I have spent the day doing the washing and trying to get myself back into making dolls abandoned for the past week, doll heads to be precise.

I have measured out enough lovely soft wool to make 18 heads of various sizes.

I have washed and hung out four loads of washing.

I have had a good long chat with my sister and I have buzzed around the internet with gay abandon.

I have noticed the way the sun is coming further into the house.

I have rearranged ornaments on shelves.

I have looked through cooking books and planned meals.

I have thought about the cooler months ahead and the knitting I might like to do.

Getting back into something like my old routine will take time.

My routine for the past few months has been slightly driven, I have thrown myself into my dollmaking as a way of not thinking about the situation around me. 

Now the situation, my father's worsening health, is no longer there.

The things that I could not do wholeheartedly, cooking, cleaning, caring for my home; these things have been done of course but with a lick and a promise and now for the first time in months I am taking a genuine pleasure in my home.

I guess there is only so much energy we have and to survive I had to use it where it served me best, dollmaking was my meditation, my escape.

Coping with the emotional dramas unfolding around me took almost all the energy I had.

I could do little else.

  I feel now, slowly that little parts of my life, parts that were on hold are being given back to me and it feels good.

Now I have a little gift for you.

If you enjoy social history I found a little gem of a website : Spitalfields Life. 

I love it.

 

On a completely different note and making an attempt to get back to regular life...

The give away on my dolly blog finishes today March 31st and will be drawn tomorrow.

The little doll above, dressed in the green and blue woolie outfit with the matching hat is the prize and you can enter by going here 

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Exhausted

Exhausted.

Exhausted from the emotions of yesterday's funeral,

exhausted  by the past week's events, 

exhausted from the past six months of constant thoughts of my dad and mum.

Happy.

Happy that my father's funeral was a sad but joyous time that left me feeling so grateful for the love of a good father 

Happy that I had the chance to be a part of this very intense family time as we , his wife and children planned for the final goodbye and celebration of his life.

Happy too that, although it was really tough so many times I was able to be such a close part of his final months.

Goodbye  Dessie ...

It's a busy time after someone dies isn't it. 

So much to be arranged.

Lots of time for talking though, for coming together and reminiscing, mostly happy things and so far quite a bit of chocolate and coffee accompanying the proceedings.

My Dad had mostly a happy life, a happy childhood, good marriage, happy family. 

Nothing fearfully ugly that we have to avoid and not too much in the way of sibling  rivalries and  extended family hassles, thank goodness.

It is quite intense though isn't it, delving back into the memories.

Interesting too to see how people's versions of history are so different when we were all there together.

The interstate family members will start to arrive this weekend, more tears no doubt and more stories.

Mum is doing so well.
Kate was away on camp when Dad died so she saw Mum, Gran, for the first time yesterday and she said that Gran looks almost back to her old self, a little sadder but she looks as though a huge weight has been lifted off her little shoulders and she can relax again for the first time in months.

And who knows how many will be at the funeral, you put a notice in the paper and anyone who ever knew Dad can come or decide they would rather not.

The final popularity contest, it never ends does it.

So we are doing well here.

I feel the same sense of  release that Mum does I'm sure, not having to wake each morning and wonder how Dad's night went and how his day will go.

He is at peace now, off somewhere with his cheeky eyes and larrikin sense of humour, hoping for some decent football or cricket to watch.

Go Dessie.

The first conker of Autumn, collected the afternoon before Dad died.

It almost hit me on the head as I was walking to the shops so I picked it up and brought it home.

I have never actually seen a conker drop before.

I walked inside , there was a message from Mum to say that Dad was really sick and she wanted me to come. 

I knew it was going to be the final phase.

For some reason   the conker was important,

the beginning of autumn, 

the first conker,

the first toadstool too, 

the last time my life would be untouched by the kind of loss that came when it should I guess,

loss of a parent at the time when such loss is supposed to happen,

the cycle of life,

dramatic but expected,

incredibly sad but a kind of peace too.

Most mornings, whether I am sitting down to work on dolls or doing the housework I listen to the radio, to City Park radio.

At 9.30 every morning they read out an abridged version of the local newspaper including the personal announcements

Most mornings for the past few months, since about September last year I have listened to those personal announcements and thought how could I ever bear to hear the name of my own father read out, his life measured from his birth date to his death and mention of  his beloved wife Connie, his funeral notice inviting those who knew him to gather to pay their respects and celebrate his life.

This morning I did indeed listen to those words and it breaks my heart.

I know he is now at peace, the suffering he endured has ended and my mother's suffering at watching her beloved being lost to the numbness of dementia while being bedevilled by pain has also gratefully ended.

I am so proud of the way my mother cared for my Dad  right to the end,

I am in awe of her caring and strength as she sat watching the life slowly leaving his body through those last hours.

Thank you so much for your kind words of love and caring.

My dad was a good man, a kind man, a decent man whose love and loyalty for his wife and family was everything to him.

Last night, just after midnight my Dad, Dessie, passed peacefully away.

After a difficult struggle he is now at rest.

We will miss him, and love him and remember him always.

Rest in peace dear man.

Found this little mitten on the weekend when I was sorting through some bits and pieces that Kate no longer wants in her room.

Dear sweet little mitten, I knitted this 22 years ago when I was pregnant with Louis

I knitted this whole outfit, minus the pink jumper and this is what my new little baby wore to come home from the hospital.

So long ago but I can remember some of my feelings and thoughts from when I used to look through these books and wonder about my own babies.

I knitted Andy an all white outfit of leggings, a cardigan and a a little white hat

and for Kate I smocked a tiny wee dress and knitted a little cream cardigan, hat and booties.

Somewhere along the way I also knitted a beautiful lacy receiving blanket too, for Kate I think  because I used my Mum's blanket for the two boys and then it went onto my sister to use for her sons.

Sweet memories

I knitted this little outfit in a mint green for my Mum's first grandchild, my nephew and he will be 25 this year.

Did you knit for your babies or nieces and nephews when they were just tiny?

Maybe now you have grandchildren to knit for?

Baby knitting is such a joyful thing to do don't you think?

in the 'studio' and the first crocus

remember this

turn it up nice and loud

For Japan, with love

Visit here to see how you can help

So I gave myself a holiday today.

I feel as though I have been pretty much working non stop since the middle of January.

I washed the various crocheted blankets from around the house, 

I cleaned the bathroom,

I snoozed in the sun,

I read this book  

and I finally , after  about three years stitched and stuffed this little elephant for Kate.

All the knitting was done I only needed to do the finishing and it has sat there all this time, abandoned.

She does still need a daisy chain for her head .

I hope that doesn't take another three years.

normal

Up hideously early, 

woke in a sweat,

night sweats they call them,

thank you very much Mrs Menopause

I was enjoying my sleep.

Sit at the computer reading other people's words because somehow, in the witching hours between 3 and 5 am it is easier to read a glowing screen than the words printed on paper.

There is a rhythm to my sleeping,

early early mornings,

sleep in mornings,

normal mornings, 

early early,

sleep in, 

normal

round and round.

Waking in a sweat, needing a drink of water, a cup of tea.

Sometimes the very early hours are a gift, lots of thinking time and once my eyes have caught up with my body there is creating time as well.

Sometimes the very early hours are a curse, too many dark  and hopeless thoughts, not so often but sometimes.

Remember,

remember those times getting up to little ones,

trying to stay as asleep as possible so that  it was easier to get back into your dream when your head hit the pillow again, 

sometimes jolted fully awake though by the realisation of how precious this little person was.

These days I get up to attend to myself.

Must remember to  care for myself  as well as I cared for my little ones.

Benjamin Franklin's Daily Schedule

According to the owner of this picture, this is Benjamin Franklin's daily schedule.

I found this yesterday via the Frankie newsletter.

Do you approve?

I think I do.

Where have I been ?

Well  I have been gussying up these dolls, ready to go in the shop tomorrow, early (6am).

That's about it really.

                               

It's Saturday night and time for a little treat, the gorgeous Marvin Gaye and the super cute Tammi Terrell.

Love this song and love seeing these two together.

Enjoy!

Watching a little...

Alan Bennett wisdom while I work on dolls for Monday's shop update.

I have the complete Talking Heads series on DVD. 

Have you seen any of the monologues? 

They are good aren't they.

And yes, it is Saturday morning but I was busy with other things yesterday and now I have dolly things that need to be finished off. 

Dolly Day Friday

When I was a girl my mum had a  tiny little knitting book full of  dolly knitting patterns.

I don't know why exactly but this picture of going visiting and Penny was always my favourite...

followed by Holiday outfit.

As far as I can remember mum never actually knitted any of my favourites probably because my two best dolls were only 12" tall, Debbie and Colleen. 

They did have some cardigans though I don't know if mum used a pattern or made them up.

I found this book at the op shop, love that little blue dress and the red coat.

 

A couple of years ago I found a plastic bag at the op shop full of someone's collection of doll patterns.

Most of them are by the legendary Enid Gilchrist. 

She had many patterns in New Idea magazines back in the day, when most women's magazines had knitting patterns suitable for experienced knitters.

Here is a whole blog dedicated to Enid Gilchrist patterns

The books are all from the mid 60s and some of the patterns are so familiar to me.

My mum did make this outfit for Barbie, including the beading around the hem

And I just love this sweet little girl , don't you.

I can remember looking at this picture and trying to make something similar for my Skipper. 

I did go one better and have doors on my dolly wardrobe.

And I remember being fascinated and a little scared of this picture.

Did terribly fashionable people really wear hats like this to the beach?

Love this outfit for Skipper

Here is a catalogue of Enid's pattern books.

My job

Around 9.30 most mornings I sit down to start work.

I do think of myself as having a job now but it's the best kind of job, doing what I love and being able to do it at home.

I know that wouldn't suit everyone, the chatter and support of workmates is a really important part of any job and often the thing people miss most when they retire.

I have the internet to link me to my doll making colleagues around the world and that I love.

I value their support and encouragement, I love being able to talk about things to do with doll making and internet business with people who understand.

These people are my workmates, thank you Mr Internet.

I often do some dolly stuff earlier in the morning too, my menopausal early mornings mean I usually have an hour or two to myself before every one gets up  to go to work and school.

From 6.30 to 8.30, my routine revolves around breakfast and lunches and saying good byes, then an hour to get the house in shape, washing on, figuring out what's for tea, the usual and then I make a cup of coffee or tea and sit down at my table ready to begin.

So now  it's 9.30, 

time to begin, 

turn on some music, 

make a cuppa,

check my wishlist of what I might achieve today...

What is it about the smell of autumn in the air that makes you want to be busier around the house.

I don't mean the smells of late autumn , of fallen leaves beginning to decay and the smell of woodsmoke as fires are lit to keep the houses warm. 

I mean the slight smell that comes from what, I don't know. 

You can smell when spring is just beginning, before the full spring blossom smell you get a little feeling and it's the same for autumn.

For the past few weeks the air just hasn't smelled like summer, all those little things that your body knows as summer, the things that go with that smell, like the sureness that the early morning kitchen floor won't feel cold, that the water straight from the tap will be a little warm, that things will dry on the line no matter when you peg them out, that the window seat will only have sun for a short time each day, all those things have passed. 

The first sniff of autumn somehow makes you want get things done, get them sorted.

Get all the washing done, on the line and back in starts to feel a little urgent, not like summer when you can be so casual  about it all. 

Getting some baking done feels more important, gathering the last of whatever late summer fruits are still around, tidying outside, taking care of things left untouched through the lazy summer, getting organised.

That slight smell of autumn gets into you and gets things started.

And that's a good thing. don't you think.

Can't be stuck in summer forever.

Another thought, why does this weather make me want to drink tea rather than coffee?

Dolly Day Friday

Did you have a Barbie doll when you were a girl?

Perhaps a Sindy?

My first 'fashion doll' was Tuppence, an 8" tall New Zealand doll very similar to the US Penny Brite doll, don't know which one came first but I think Tuppence is cuter.

Then I got my sweet Skipper doll a titian haired beauty with such lovely clothes.

Next came Sindy, who was a real disappoint me to me as in real life she was no where near as nice as the artwork on the box.

My sister had Patch, Sindy's sister, who had some really nice clothes.

from MOD-GIRL on Flickr

After Sindy came Twiggy, who I loved even though her hair was strange. 

She had wonderful clothes, she could also wear Francie's clothes. 

Great outfits, groovy boots, mini dresses, gorgeous yellow linen dress suit, I loved her. 

My sister had the lovely PJ

Finally, when I was about 11, I got a Barbie, whose hair could pull out to make a long ponytail and she had all sorts of bit and bobs to go in her hair. 

She was very pretty and very pink, lots of Barbie pink in her accessories and packaging.

With Barbie, Twiggy and all the gang it was really all about the clothes. 

We had so many fashion parades and just loved  dressing them up, making outfits for them and saving to buy new outfits.

I don't know that there was much in the way of bonding, that's not what those dolls are about.

For me it was colour, style, fabric, hairstyles, fashion. 

I don't think my body image was much affected by Barbie but then I had a range of dolly shapes;  Sindy with her classic pear shape, hour glass Barbie, boyish Twiggy, ironing board flat Skipper and slightly young girl curved Tuppence - they all had brilliant outfits appropriate to their suggested age, figure cultural background.

I thoroughly enjoyed them all.

I enjoyed saving up to by some of them, being surprised at birthdays with others.

  And of course, as you would guess I still have them all.

I didn't have time to get new photos of them today but I will try tomorrow.

by Ira Mish on Flickr


My Sindy never looked like this. Isn't she pretty.


Dana on Folky Dots has a dolly post 

Eli has a dolly post too 

Rosemary has joined in too