mixed lollies

20 Nov 2011

P5130055


For me 2011 has been a year of upheavals, of questioning old ways and finding new paths.
 I haven't always been able to put into words how I feel and the process isn't over yet.



Rudolf Steiner and many other philosophers  divide our lives into 7 year blocks and the years 42 to 49 are described as the journey through the dark woods where nothing in life seems to fit properly any more, things that made your heart sing don't always hold the same enchantment , everything feels a little out of kilter. 
Some people retreat into their youth and try to be that young person again, others struggle on searching for a higher meaning to find the new person they will become, trying to come to terms with the new life that lies ahead and hopefully more in contact with their intellectual and spiritual self at the end of the seven years. 
  As I turned 50 my dad was descending into the final part of his journey.
 Letting go of the present , slipping into a slightly befuddled state that then progressed, slowly at first and then rapidly into a state where very little of his earthly presence was left.
 At 84, at the end of his 12th  seven year cycle he slipped away.



 I am 52 and my journey now is to learn to live in a new way with a body that is still vital but no longer young, to accept who I am and what I have done with my life and build on that, to really be in touch with the essence of me.
 I have taken to saying 'I am what I am, this is me' when someone suggests I should change this or that about myself.
 This isn't said as a self imposed mantra to make me feel better about myself, it just popped out of my mouth one day without thought and ever since it has been popping into my head and mouth. 
 It isn't said to remind me, but just as a fact, sometimes said with triumph and sometimes tinged with disappointment. 
 This is the essence of me that I struggled to find during my 40s when I really couldn't figure who I was, I didn't feel comfortable with the who I thought I was and I didn't know who else I could be.
This is a hard won version of me.

 Now I feel I don't need to try to be anyone else, mostly I like who I am, warts and all, and there is a power to that.
 A quite power but strong  all the same.
  I am sure the journey to acceptance and wisdom is far from over, with more tests and trials along the way, hopefully I will emerge as a person who can share my life's experience in a positive way, I want to be a wise old woman one day.


you can read one person's interpretation of the seven year cycles based on Rudolf Steiner's writings  here



8 Responses to “mixed lollies”

  1. I am sorry it has been a hard year. I am heading right over to read the Steiner interpretation as I have been searching for more insight into this time in my life.

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  2. Such a wonderfully stated post, Jenny. I think you are a wise, not-so-old woman. I am 54 and have discovered, as you have, that I am what I am. And it is not such a bad place to be.

    Beth

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  3. I agree that those years 42 to 49 are an emotional one filled with doubt and longing and most of all bewilderment. It is like a rebirth of becoming aware that life is slipping away faster then you even noticed. I have watched people who don't take aging very well and do everything they can to not face the facts that we are all getting older. The trick is to be happy with who you are, and to live one day at a time. I think we also wonder at the meaning of life, our purpose and why we are here. We are not humans going through a spiritual experience, but spiritual beings going through a human experience.

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  4. Ohhhhhhhhhh. At 42 I am teetering at the edge of this seven year phase. I have dipped my toes in but am a little frightened of the darkness I might face when I am submerged. Already I am struggling with some of what you mentioned. It is good to read your thoughts Jenny and to see how you have come through it to a place of gracious acceptance.

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  5. My mantra is, 'It isn't over till it is over'. My mum, who is now 95 and fading a bit, showed me that you can continue to grow and change, and mature, and wise up...late into your life. Like I said, it isn't over till it's over.

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  6. Jenny you have just given me so much clarity, I'm 43 and totally relate to what you and the Steiner interpretation say about this time. I didn't really understand why I was feeling the way I do, but today I've pondered your wise words, it's helped me to understand and maybe to gain some insight.

    Thanks
    Kate

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  7. I'm in that bracket - 42-49. It feels like I am looking for that thing, that which I thought I had found.

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  8. That was a very timely post for me to read. I'm 44 and have been struggling mightily over the last few years to find a place in the world where I feel as though I fit. I'm just about to make some very big changes - including moving cities and changing career. It's pretty scary, so it's very good to know that this is part of the cycle of life. I'm hoping that I have it sorted by the time I'm 49!

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Thanks so much for taking the time to chat. I don't always have time to reply but I do read every message you leave.