3 Apr 2009

John Bull, Artists Fathers and Daughters Magazine, UK, 1950

We were supposed to go to Hobart today to watch Andy play in the state cricket final ( they won) and visit Louis but life had different plans and the car seems to have a blown head gasket and this I believe is a big and expensive job so Stephen has spent the day figuring out what to do.

You know;
fix , don't fix,
try to do it himself, pay someone a king's ransom to do the job,
become a car free family and ditch the car
and so it goes.

As luck would have it Mum really needed me to be at home.
My Dad, now 82 is becoming more frail, forgetful and needing more care.
This has been a bad week for him even though every time I have rung he has sounded so chirpy he has been having falls and suffering from dizziness.
This is not a new problem but is ongoing and the doctors can't find a cause.
It's hard work for Mum.
Friday is a gardening day for Mum and she needed me to " babysit" Dad.

It becomes a state of acceptance, the need to deal with my feelings of loss as I see my parents become less able.
Aging happens, parents need the understanding that they gave us, their children, as we matured.
There is no need to be angry with people's decreasing abilities, life is always changing, love is accepting and no matter what he is my dad, the man who loved and protected me, provided for me and supported me.
If I had just met him I would think he was a sweet old man, a bit forgetful and fond of a nap, mad keen on sport and his cat Millie, kind and always gentle.
I accept him as he is now, love him as he is now.
But I'll never forget the dad of my youth.

11 Responses to “ ”

  1. That is a beautiful post, Jenny.

    I often look at older folk and think about their youth and middle age and wonder if they look in the mirror like my grandma did and wonder if who that old person is! She always said that when she still thought of herself as younger and when she would catch a look in the mirror it often surprised her!

    Bless you for your sweet attitude and your right heart in caring for your parents!

  2. Good evening Jenny
    It is hard to watch our parents become less able to cope with everyday life.
    My dear Gran didn't like to be a burden on my parents or her grandchildren, but I told her once that family is like a circle and that she had always been there to help my parents, give helpful & caring advice to her grandchildren & to devote herself to my two mentally handicapped cousins for most of her life and now it was our turn to repay in some small way all the help & care she had given to our family. My Gran had a wonderful attitude of if you can't change things, make the most of what you have, and get on with the job at hand.
    Best wishes for some improvement with your Dad's health.
    Sorry to hear of your car problems.
    from Jenny McH

  3. Dear Jenny...this really struck a chord with me...I am in exactly the same situation, seeing my Dad change into someone I don't know as well, and trying to support my Mum as she cares for him. My Dad has dizzy spells too and sometimes falls without warning. His MRI scan showed he had brain atrophy caused by hardened arteries. He has other health issues too. It is a strange feeling as I observe the changes in him at the same time as my children grow up and fly the nest. A very poignant time.

  4. Jenny~
    Please make sure your dad is getting plenty of water throughout the day. Dehydration is a bad thing.
    I lost my dad when I was 20, so he never got to meet my sainted husband or any of my five wonderful children. I must live vicariously through my friends whose fathers are still alive, so go give that sweet man a big ol hug for me. Sending much love to my faraway friend I've yet to meet. xoxo

  5. Hi Jenny:

    I remember a few years ago seeing my dad (who is now almost 80) drive away in his car. Much to my shock, he looked like those little old men who are too low in the seat and have to strain to look through the windshield. I always thought he would be big and strong forever, but nature had other ideas. All the best for dealing with the car (sounds to me if it is old it would cost more to fix than to get another used car), and with taking care of your parents.

    My best,

    Anna Marie

  6. What a lovely tribute. Thank you for sharing with us.

  7. What a sweet post about the trials of life. We all have them and how we deal is what makes our lives sad or bitter, happy or bright. Your observations about your father touch me deeply. My mother isn't forgetful, but she is more frail and has serious health issues. I want so much for her sake and mine to turn back time just a bit. But as you say the mother of my youth is very very dear to me. In my thoughts and heart she will always be. It makes me smile to see how much you treasure your parents.

  8. Your words are coming in my heart. Very touching. Thank you - our mothers are also old.
    Kind regards, Sabine

  9. I, too, am going through this with my parents, who are approximately the same age as yours. It is my mother who is the more frail; she has dementia. I feel blessed that I am able to help them.


  10. You are fortunate your parents are so close and that you can be there for them as they have need. I'm sorry you missed seeing your boys though.

    My parents have moved often because of Dad's work and now live 2 hours away. I've told them they have to move back to Melbourne, near the three of us at some point in the next 10 years.

  11. Ah, the circle of life is truly beautiful. Although it can be sad for those of us who may be younger there is much to treasure in every moment and happiness in the knowledge that we all travel on the path towards our ultimate home.


Thanks so much for taking the time to chat. I don't always have time to reply but I do read every message you leave.